>>58341074 >>58341076 >>58341080I accept most of these criticisms but I'd like to walk you through some of the thoughts I had so you can better beat down what.
>AlexaThose are supposed to be codenames to throw off the police. All of the names are genderbent to create confusion-and none of them are real. Originally, all of the heisters got introduced in the beginning, with their real and a quick once over of the code names they'd use, but I dropped it because that dialogue was somehow stiffer than the shit I left in.
It's like how Trevor, Michael, and Franklin used T, M, and F in their heists. (Like I said, I took inspiration from GTA more than anything.)
>sleep deprivedNo, she was losing consciousness due to blood loss. She DID receive two pretty severe stab wounds in the intestines after all, and already was bleeding from her legs(though she didn't seem to think it was that bad, despite the fact she could not stand at all.)
I did a very bad job trying to convey this, but... y'know, she's not a Pokemon. She's not going to recover from that in the next scene.
>seven months in the makingNo, it's only been seven months of the first transformation, this heist has been in planning for shorter than that. That should've made clearer though.
>actionYeah, I'm pretty bad at action. I was hoping to practice some, but I lost patience and felt like I was wasting my time, resulting in me rushing the ENTIRE thing.
The Dewott doing that was very stupid, though I guess you could've chalked it up to the same thing that caused the heister to commit to this-over confidence in having walking weapons of mass destruction in her arsenal. (And also, an apparent lack of experience.)
