Hey Brendan.

Come over here Brendan, I need to talk to you about something real important. It's about ass.

It happened earlier this week when I went to Gamestop to participate in some, I dunno, stupid trading card tournament, I met this guy named Steve, and he was playing Black 2. You could tell he was a /vp/ user, Brendan, he had that scent of pretentiousness slipping out of his breath. It was really gross, Brendan.

Also he smelled like wet dog. I think he thought he was wet dog at some point too, because you could tell he'd also been dosing hard on LSD.

I saw his screen, and uh, he was at the Elite Four, so I'm thinking "Okay this guy seems pretty good at the game."

Then I see he's playing as the girl character an-

HEY MAY KEEP YOUR FREAKING HANDS OFF THE BALL IT'S SOCCER! NOT BASKETBALL, SOCCER! DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ORANGE AND WHITE?

I'm sorry Brendan, she's just really stupid.

Anyways, he was playing as the girl character, and I say to him, "Why are you playing as the girl? That's kinda weird."

You could tell now Brendan that he was getting nervous because he started sweating buckets. In a shaky voice he told me, "I-I j-just w-wanted to s-stare at the g-girl's ass when she t-throws the pokeball! N-Not a guy's!"

I thought that was kinda stupid Brendan, I mean, why would you spend about $30 minimum just to stare at a girl's fake pixel ass? You can look at REAL porn on the internet for FREE, why did he just throw away $30 like that? That's hard cash to come by these days, Brendan.

I asked him why he made such a stupid purchase, and he told me the guy hero looked "gay", and that he wasn't going to be entitled to playing as a gay character and staring at his gay ass, because apparently that would make him gay too.

That kinda ticked me off, Brendan. You don't BUY the game to STARE at an ass, let alone a guys, you buy the game FOR THE GAME. How can he be gay if he has ZERO personality?

Don't worry, Brendan, I don't think you're gay.