>>13823138This. People here seem to have an issue with sorting out "Clinical Depression" with "I was depressed for a time". The two are very different.
Might as well share my sob story if it helps someone.
I have the aforementioned Clinical Depression, had it since I was six years old, tied with PTSD. I absolutely hate myself in every way, having this much self-hatred but sitting so comfortably makes it even worse. I mean, we know the usual "Someone somewhere else has it worse, so smile Anon" line, right? Means jack shit to us, can even make us feel worse for even bringing it up. My depression has cost me a lot, friendships being the most common. People find that their little "buck up, Anon" stories and speeches don't work and then spew the much opted "Fuck you, whiner baby" shit that we hate so much. It even caused an ex-fiancee of mine to fake her death just to spite me because she got tired of my depressed state. I've had to hide myself on really bad days from groups I've been able to momentarily force myself into, just because I don't want to be ostracized from them.
I can't give you guys the ultimate answer, I really can't. I married my best friend, someone who for some odd reason has put up with my shit for 5 years, endured and stopped countless attempts to bludgeon, cut, and shot myself in our early years. All I can give is some advice. Find that one thing you care about, doesn't matter the logic. You may think you aren't the right person to be with that someone special. You may argue that you aren't the right one to hold that position, to earn that degree and hold that knowledge. You know what, it is ok to hold that idea. Be the placeholder at least.
You may not be the right person, but you might as well be until that lazy asshole finally shows up.
