One upon a time, you dreamed of being a Pokémon trainer. You pretended to be the Champion, watched the League battles on TV every Thursday night, and even bought tons boxes of that shitty bran cereal to submit the cardboard tokens for an official League hat... not that you ended up getting one.

Unfortunately, only good Pokémon Trainers get to become champion, and you were kind of shitty at the whole going outside and doing physical activity thing. Now you're a poor college student living in a no-Pokémon-allowed apartment who just got woken up by your flatmates having sex.

What will you do?