>>18767833>cont.It's backstory time!
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Not-France, there was a war over something. Many humans and Pokemon fainted. Eventually, the ancient king AZ got depressed when his Waifu Pokemon left him, and he built an "ultimate weapon" that uses the version mascot as its power source. Which of these two events comes first, I don't remember. I was too busy with ol' SchlongJon having his finest hour as he stormed the weapon's base of operations just north of what turned out to be a MASSIVE FUCKING GRAVEYARD. But, it seems that ol' Schlongy is too late, as the Ultimate Weapon rises out of the ground in the middle of a town, tipping over several plastic house models in the process.
Eventually, the party makes its way down to the core of the base, awakening the tree that powers the Ultimate Weapon and battling the legendary. Now, for all I know, making Xerneas faint would have caused it to revive, turn super saiyan, beat Team FLARE, turn shiny, then jump into my PC box, but I don't usually fuck up my legendary encounters, so I caught the prancing bitch.
After a harsh clash with hentai-tentacle-clad Lysandre, who uses a Mega Gyarados who made most people without an awesome Azumarill cry, the Ultimate Weapon fires... straight up in the air, and, in perhaps the most hilarious fail of a team's plan in the series, hits itself, causing the ground to collapse around it and using Rock Slide on Lysandre.
After thanks are in order, LongSchlong goes to the League, where he goes in perhaps one of the most environmentally-pleasing Victory Roads to date (I'm a sucker for castle ruins, okay?) and reaches the Pokemon League in a chrome castle. There, he fights the Elite 4, who consists of a woman from Sinnoh, a Team Flare woman who would later get shipped with the smashed pile of handsome that is Lysandre, a knight, and an artist, with each of them having sexy rooms to fight in.
