/vp/ I need help

Today my parents came to me with a small dog.
They told me they bought me the dog because ''they were worried about my obsession with those fighting narcisstic animals'' (Pokemon, I always post here on the family computer so they can see, have plushies etc)

I don't want a dog
I don't need a dog
I argued with my parents about WHy I love pokemon and told them that the dogs name better be 'bark' because if it can't say its own name it can fuck off. I started covering it in rocks as a protest so it would at least look like Onyx but they made me stop when it yelping. They said I can't keep living with them if I don;t show I can take care of the dog. They insist on making me keep the dog though

My question is how do I make a dog behave like a pokemon?