"LOCAL HERO STOPS HOUSEFIRE", the headline read.
A reporter for the Daily Derp recently conducted an interview with a one mister CIA Man, owner and proprietor of the FeelGood bowling alley, who stopped a housefire before it could consume everything on Chaika street and reduce ti to smoldering rubble! Yesterday evening, on October 24th, a careless individual by the name of Maxytracks left an old fashioned oil lamp unattended near a curtained window. One of Maxytracks' cats jumped up on the window to get a good look at the outside world and, inadvertently we're sure, knocked over the lamp, igniting the curtains and almost causing massive loss of life."
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"In addition to the twenty or so occupants occupying the inn at the time, the fire was estimated to have spread to the nearby forest, initiating the worst man made disaster in our long history, experts tell us."
"Well I knew something had to be done", CIA Man says. "If there's one thing I've learned in thie world, it's that big guys finish last, and there were a lot of big guys sleeping in that inn that night. None of them are even close to finishing, and I want to be there when their time comes."
"I did the only thing that I could. When I saw those curtains, blazing like hellfire, I immediately tackled the window, sending the curtains and myself out into the foggy night. There, I rolled around profusely like a madman until the fire was mostly out. Then, feeling the need to urinate, I got up and pissed for an age on the rest of the flames. My incredibly sulfurous piss did most of the work, really. The only person I have to thank is myself, and my incredibly huge penis and bladder for sustaining such a beautiful yellow arc for just long enough."
Written by Slighlty Hetero, reporter for the Daily Derp.
Interview courtesy of CIA Man.
