Alright, keep this on the down-low, but my uncle’s pet moose’s barber’s brother’s roommate who works for Nintendo leaked to me the Pokémon game that we’ll be seeing on tonight’s Nintendo Direct.
The new Pokémon game is NOT Pokémon Z, but actually the first two games of generation 7. They are known as Pokémon Up & Pokémon Down. The legendary of Pokémon Up appears to resemble an up arrow, as the legendary of Pokémon Down resembles a down arrow. Much like gen 3 was land sea & sky and gen 4 was time & space, it has been speculated that the opposing forces the legendaries represent in this game will up & down.
A new type also debuts in Up & Down: The Nacho-type. As expected, we also have a new, Nacho-type eeveelution: Torteon. It’s orange with corn chip ears covered in cheese with jalapeños lined up on its back. Its tail is white and fluffy, resembling sour cream.
A new line of Nacho-type Pokémon:
Whizkid: Resembles a dipping cup of nacho cheese. Has an ability called Ration, which reduces the damage taken from all of its foe’s moves until the foe used each of their moves once. This is based on a method of eating nachos, where the eater reduces the amount of cheese on a chip to ensure that each chip gets to be dipped in the cheese before it runs out.
Whizesty: The evolved form of Whizkid. Resembles a plate with corn chips surrounding a cup of cheese. Learns a move called Razor Chip, which is basically the Nacho-type version of Razor Leaf, high critical-hit rate and all.
Nachamp: The Ultimate Nachos Pokémon, and evolved form of Whizesty. Appears to be a large bowl of nachos complete with many toppings. Can learn a move called Cheddar Pulse, a special, Nacho-type move that never misses.
Nachamp has two forms. Mild Form and Hot Form. The Hot Form is Nacho/Fire-type and can learn a move called Jalapeño Business, which steals the target’s held item and leaves them with a burn.
