/vp/ - Pokémon » Thread #24837833

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Team Rocket RP thread

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:44:24 No.24837833 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:49:46 No.24837859 Report

Quoted By: >>24837863 >>24837961 >>24838224

Why did we stop using these? Shit was a whole lot easier when we just threatened lives for whatever we wanted.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:49:50 No.24837860 Report

Quoted By:

rp is for autistic faggot with no social life.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

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Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:50:55 No.24837863 Report

Quoted By: >>24837896 >>24837911 >>24837978

>>24837859
We stopped using them when grunts kept shooting themselves holstering their weapons.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:57:02 No.24837896 Report

Quoted By: >>24837919

>>24837863
How about some gun training, then?
Or better yet, stop recruiting idiots.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 01:59:40 No.24837911 Report

Quoted By: >>24837919

>>24837863

>Grunts

There's your problem. You're asking people no smarter than a tree stump to handle dangerous equipment. That's just begging for trouble.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

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Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:01:15 No.24837919 Report

Quoted By: >>24837938 >>24837976

>>24837896
Blame the lack of leadership around here, training the grunts should fall to Archer, but god knows what he does in his office all day.
>>24837911
We do give the executives a standard issue pistol, and luckily none of them are stupid enough to injure themselves with it. One of the signs of being a higher ranking member is being able to not hurt yourself with the stuff we give you.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:04:05 No.24837938 Report

Quoted By: >>24837968

>>24837919
So, how would I join you guys and what would I gain? I mean, you MUST offer something good in exchange, right?

Team Galactic Grunt Rick

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Team Galactic Grunt Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:08:58 No.24837961 Report

Quoted By:

>>24837859
Heh. Operating under a budget like that of our sister team -- the Rockets, is like trying to search for a competent and intellectually stimulating HR rep among their ranks -- blatantly and shamelessly impossible. Most of those guns only had but a single bullet in them, and if my record serves correct, this was merely an 'intimidation round'. Fired to prove the gun was capable of holding bullets, and then never release their finger from the trigger until they had what they want. The propellant was so clunky, and cost-inefficient you would have to actually fire it from the range of OP's picture to actually do anything notable. You'd sooner die of infection from the..haha, sorry, can barely even type this without laughing "rounds" that pierced skin like blunt-edged stones than from their immediate after-effects.

In addition, they were rendered obsolete upon the amazing realization that the Pokemon they stole could be, wait for it, actually used to benefit them. Zubats to locate intruders and render their subterfuge useless, Rattata to sear into flesh inflicting grievous pain without running the risk of killing, and Ekans for your run of the mill antidote-power-grab routine.

Now Team Galactic? We still use bombs, teleportation-bound top of the line security systems, and commit unsolved arson cases in [topographical location redacted] around [redacted numerical value] times a year for what we need. Our numbers are also adequately trained to use the tools they are given, and not unreasonably expected that the meager pay cuts they receive will somehow magically make stumbling buffoons competent. One of the many reasons we're infinitely better.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:09:52 No.24837968 Report

Quoted By:

>>24837938
Well you'd gain the basic grunt uniform, a standard issue pistol, a whip and a first stage pokemon from our breeding facility, not sure which ones are up for grabs right now. A basic dormitory is given to all grunts, though staying there is not mandatory, oh yeah, you get paid too.

Rocket Executive Archer !!Jn4B99ORlWv

Rocket Executive Archer !!Jn4B99ORlWv Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:11:23 No.24837976 Report

Quoted By: >>24837998 >>24838078

>>24837919

I'm busy making sure everything on the legal side of our operation is running smoothly. I'm also busy masterminding the few criminal exploits we still perform, because about half of our remaining upper management is grossly incompetent. On top of which, in order to maintain my "innocence" in the eyes of the law should some operation go awry, I need to have as little contact with the grunts as possible.

Technically speaking, one of our remaining executives should be handling grunt training, but again,half of them are grossly incompetent and the other half are rarely around, for whatever reason.

Team Galactic Grunt Rick

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Team Galactic Grunt Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:11:52 No.24837978 Report

Quoted By: >>24837998 >>24838050

>>24837863
Again, yet ANOTHER testament to the shortcomings of probably the objectively worst criminal syndicate gang in the history of ever; their tendency to cap themselves in the phallic reproductive organ slicking their firearms in their pantaloons like some sort of mock cowboy era poser.

Not too late to join a Team actually worth putting in the long hours to support you know, Wendy dear. Our HQ is just a hop, skip, boat-scuttle and jump away from yours~

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:15:50 No.24837998 Report

Quoted By: >>24838050 >>24838078

>>24837976
What about the other three stooges? Monkey face, Edgelord and Not!Silver'smom? Can't they do it?
>>24837978
Your leader threw himself into a portal to a place that obviously didn't have oxygen in a stupid attempt to become god, I think I'll take my chances here.

Rocket Executive Archer !!Jn4B99ORlWv

Rocket Executive Archer !!Jn4B99ORlWv Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:22:53 No.24838050 Report

Quoted By: >>24838122

>>24837998

Petrel and Proton are currently overseeing important business in Sevii; and Ariana works with me on the legal side of our operation, so she as well shouldn't be maintaining contact with grunts.

>>24837978

I would appreciate it if you would not slander Giovanni's legacy the way you do. Rocket may have fallen on hard times in his absence, but we will endure, as we have always done, and our situation will improve with time, as it has always done. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said of yours.

Team Galactic Grunt Rick

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Team Galactic Grunt Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:27:11 No.24838078 Report

Quoted By:

>>24837976
Yourself included, "Executive" Archer. Masterminding is hardly the tag I'd attach to the methodical piss-showers that are the infamous Team Rocket furloughs. Which is to say, the nonexistence of such vital terminations that castrate your team's effectiveness. When you have an ingrate meandering about the expanse of nugget bridge, a prepubescent 14 year old dating hub, it's time to consider letting that person go. When you have a narcissistic schizophrenic goat-stached prick impersonating your highest level of Rocket officials, you may want to overlook their resume again. And most of all, when you have a head Executive of a well-known mafia keeping up public opinion and intimidation by scuttling on a menstrual-spurred siesta justifying it as saving nonexistent face...well....Giovanni is nothing short of an imbecile.

>>24837998
Yours spent countless assets and needless manpower in pursuit of an unevolved rodent owned by an irreverent ten year old, shredded all Unova involvement after a laughably failed "Project Tempest", which invested leadership in two of your most prodigal failures, of which ended with his pantie-clad behind singing about a daisy girl swirling in lunacy, and don't even get me STARTED on the Mewtwo fiasco. He let the single most powerful creature of the time escape from his fingers after cramming it into a grotesque suit of useless power-hampering ownership -- the technological equivalent of branding a Tauros with a flashy burned G on its hide. Our leader may have been psychotic, but was by no means a psychotic failure such as yours. We succeeded. Obviously didn't have oxygen is a rough argument when you have transcended the need for such frivolities. His spirit was beyond both time and space, his form that of a methodical God. You have no evidence to support the contrary, whilst we have the whole of Sinnoh mythos backing ours. And even if he died, may he rest in peace, as our operations continue. Thank you for consideration no less.

Team Galactic Grunt Rick

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Team Galactic Grunt Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:33:18 No.24838122 Report

Quoted By: >>24838180

>>24838050
Oh, but that it can. We have plenty to fall back on. Hard times is nothing short of an understatement -- you are falling. Nay, I daresay, have already fallen. What is happening now is the equivalent of an optician giving you the time and date of death, and officially annulling your death. Your slippery slope of 'situation improvement' would be effective, had this improvement not consisted of baby scrunches of the neanderthal level. Your only improvement was your numerous failed endeavors and retreats. Very effectively befitting of a Team always on the cusp of 'blasting off again'.

Meanwhile, our corporation has absolved assets from the likes of failed Magma or Aqua grunts alike nary fond of the hippy-attitude those zombified brats concocted with the deaths of their Teams, retired veterans from the likes of Team Plasma who returned under our harmonious galactic leadership in a motif of the stars when their leader too, turned out to be a massive hippie. You call yourselves rockets, but have you ever truly pierced beyond the clouds? Our scope exceeds the universe itself, 'executive'. Perhaps it would benefit you to purchase a telescope.

...Granted it wouldn't compromise near all your recently ill-gotten income and 'spare' change during these trying times your situation has yet to improve~

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:43:13 No.24838180 Report

Quoted By: >>24838284

>>24838122
A lot of words for a lone grunt with a death wish. Look at where you are, you idiot. This is Rocket territory, even if our grunts are idiots, they still outnumber you. So you better watch your mouth before you find it sewn shut by our scientific staff.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 02:50:46 No.24838224 Report

Quoted By: >>24838301

>>24837859
That's only reserved for special units now.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:02:58 No.24838284 Report

Quoted By: >>24838340 >>24838458

>>24838180
I'm less than inclined to shiver out of terrorized apprehension at your empty threat -- given that your "scientific staff" couldn't tell my masticating mouth from my sphincter with a rectal thermometer sticking out of it. But say no more, say no more. I should offer you a cautionary warning of my own, however. Pretty soon, the mere utterance of "Rocket territory" will be an oxymoron to be heralded through the ages.

In addition, your role as an overbearing social relations representative has been played exceptionally well. Is there perhaps, a Rocket.com I can submit a review to for your exceptional service? Three out of five stars? Do you accept tips in your bra? Oh...what am I saying. Your ilk would probably lack the decent garb to accept it. Or the decency to so much as adorn a fixture. No wonder Galactic is the only criminal syndicate gang capable of boasting incident-less unisex bathrooms. Tsk.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:05:03 No.24838301 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838224
I.e retards. They never make use of them, but toting around big boomsticks and shouting such intimidating phrasings as "YOU TALKIN' TO ME?" work wonders on any number of rampant physiological Rocket deficits. Primitive mind, compensation for basically everything, and the feel to need validated through ownership and use of tools. That's why so very many tools, like our friend HR Rep Wendy, are hired to wear the uniform~

Scientist Beau !u1SCIENCEw

Scientist Beau !u1SCIENCEw Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:10:43 No.24838340 Report

Quoted By: >>24838458 >>24838492 >>24838560

>>24838284
Considering our researchers were directly poached from one of the most powerful pokemon related corporations in the world while your Scientists tried meddling in things beyond human understanding only to fail.

Infirmary Head Zera Blanco !!GB01SCSmKHW

Infirmary Head Zera Blanco !!GB01SCSmKHW Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:29:03 No.24838458 Report

Quoted By: >>24838559

>>24838284
>>24838340
And our medical staff could replace your mouth with your sphincter if we wanted to, leaving you perfectly alive to regret your words, replacing the figurative shit coming out of your mouth with actual shit.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:34:33 No.24838492 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838340
Considering your researchers, yada, yada, fluff, filler, and a metric industrial grade megaton of filler later, while our scientists (thank you for the capital S, it so well compliments our importance) in things beyond human comprehension only to fail....and that's it? First and foremost, you yourself don't even have the bravado to call them scientists. They are researchers. In other words, lazy-stay-at-home leeches of the embezzled budget who code 1s and 0s for your two-bit processing unit you call a 'corporation'. We did not 'try meddling' in anything. We took an educated poke with the stick of curiosity at the Ursaring of the unknown, and found that instead of being mauled for our arrogance, we were rewarded with the location of its foothold, only to reinforce, redouble our efforts and recapture said discoveries. I find it funny, but as always, tragically fitting a Rocket "scientist" would claim basic successful commandeering of a legendary Pokemon, nay, two legendary Pokemon, alongside basic knowledge of temporal theory, and spatial dimensions 'beyond human understanding'. Beyond the SUBhuman understanding of your animistic deluded drones who think of computers as blunt force instruments to iron out creases in your whorish uniforms, perhaps. But not to the willing geniuses who weren't 'poached' like the animals in your rankings, and willingly joined our competent cause. Checkmate, researcher Beau.

Team Rocket Jimmy Rustler Rick

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Team Rocket Jimmy Rustler Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:46:23 No.24838559 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838458
Predictably enough, your "medical staff" knows next to nothing about the production of waste material, in spite of being compromised almost entirely by its likelihood. I would not be "perfectly alive" if your posse of bone-saw-wielding buffoons with neural synapses dying of loneliness were instructed to so much as supply me with your personal supply of Xanex. Your doctors are jokes, even as far as standards of mad scientists go. An operation of this magnitude, even in blithy rhetoric, is so laughably convoluted I can hardly take you seriously. I'm contracting perniciously lethal autism just speaking to you on the subject. Unless your colon is lined with your miss-aligned lower intestine, and you are simply constantly spouting the shit you hypothesize I would be showering, as living testament to your godawful chimrae hypothesis, I boast curiosity as to the validity of this operation. But nonetheless, I will deliberately mistake your confidence in this operation's effectiveness to that of experience, conducted on a certain Infirmary Head talking a great deal of shit right about now.

I am legitimately going full blown autist over this, you downright uncontrollably jocose Rocket cronies! I haven't laughed this hard since the prototypes of our uniforms shipped in with a hole in a discerning area, holy Hellenistic space probing, this is art. We need to be in touch more often should Galactic tank. Not that it ever would, but the sentiment implies appreciative sentiments towards our sister team no less.

Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c

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Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:46:44 No.24838560 Report

Quoted By: >>24838575 >>24838586

>>24838340
>while your scientists tried meddling in things beyond human understanding
Are we really in any position to talk?

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:49:40 No.24838575 Report

Quoted By: >>24838587

>>24838560
Quiet you, you're not helping.

Team Rocket Famboozeler Rick

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Team Rocket Famboozeler Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:51:13 No.24838586 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838560
Hey, you didn't hear it from me.

Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c

Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:51:27 No.24838587 Report

Quoted By: >>24838630

>>24838575
I'm not paid enough to help. I'm also not paid enough to know anything that actually goes on in the labs.

Team Rocket Ravager Rick

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Team Rocket Ravager Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:56:46 No.24838622 Report

Quoted By:

Well, it was a VERY pleasant, and even more telling, visit to the old sister team of the indefinitely and infinitely superior Team Galactic. I really should make these more frequently. Instead of memorizing layouts, checking up on the (nonexistent) developments and status quo of the team for potential absorption of company units, assets, and subsidies. You know -- the big boy things competent syndicate gangs discuss, unlike the chicks stationed down at Vermilion. I look forward to many, many warmer relations in the future, returning where, once more everyone knows my name at the hallowed hall of Rocket HQ. Ciao~

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:56:57 No.24838624 Report

Quoted By: >>24838632 >>24838734

So, hey. I've been really low on money right now. Like, can't afford to buy food low. And I heard you guys pay money.

How do you sign up? I have a Porygon-Z, if that helps. What's the pay, too?

Team Rocket Uprooter and Galactic Recruiter Rick

Team Rocket Uprooter and Galactic Recruiter Rick Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:58:23 No.24838630 Report

Quoted By: >>24838655

>>24838587
Also, here's my card, sweetheart. I assure you, this underemployment at Rocket corp will be but a laughable distant memory when you're outfitted with bonafide Galactic debonair. Cheers.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 03:58:27 No.24838632 Report

Quoted By: >>24838673

>>24838624
That depends, what do you have to offer us?

Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c

Rocket Grunt Kate !9iUaHbhW0c Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:01:52 No.24838655 Report

Quoted By: >>24838664

>>24838630
Hey, Wendy, were any of those actually words?

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:03:02 No.24838664 Report

Quoted By: >>24838742

>>24838655
Yes, but I doubt he actually knows the meaning behind them and is just using them to sound smarter.

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:04:09 No.24838673 Report

Quoted By: >>24838703

>>24838632
Er, I myself aren't very special, actually. But Pory-Z right here is pretty strong, and it can hack computers and cybernetics, and that can be useful.

Really, I just need a job badly. Haven't eaten in 2 days.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:07:22 No.24838703 Report

Quoted By: >>24838777

>>24838673
Ok, that makes your pokemon useful, not you. It actually gives us an incentive to want to take it from you and kick you into some mud while we run off and laugh. Impress me and you might get a job.

Ghost - Eve

Ghost - Eve Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:11:46 No.24838734 Report

Quoted By: >>24838777

>>24838624
Huh, I never thought I'd see you try to join Team Rocket. This is interesting.

Team Rocket's Revolving Door Resident and Galactic Goon

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Team Rocket's Revolving Door Resident and Galactic Goon Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:14:06 No.24838742 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838664
Underemployment, a particular waste of one's talent, skills far exceed the menial entry-level dead end position they formally occupy -- synonymous with any and all recruits of Team Rocket. Laughable, something that elicits laughter, or any attempts by Wendy to demean me. Bonafide is legitimate, a corruption of a latin phrasing that means "good faith". As in the good faith in the legitimacy of Galactic Kickassery. And finally, debonair -- Galactic Grunt Rick incarnate. Hmp. If my goal were to sound smarter, I'd need only imitate the mating calls of a Geodude, and I would easily outpace the intellectual dull-drums of your average Rocket affiliate.

Last chance, Rocket Grunt, to change uniform and trade up to a Team worth backing. Though, I confess, I'm beginning to mistake you for someone in a position they are most....certainly well-equipped for. But if you want to actually do something with your life, and enrich it with meaning, you've still a second option that involves cutting ties around this rag tag ridiculous operation. Set your ambitions higher than a Rocket's inertia -- the galaxy is your Cloister.

Sounds like I'm talking about someone's vagina for fuck's sake.

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:21:21 No.24838777 Report

Quoted By: >>24838809

>>24838703
Yeah, good luck with that. I am a decent if I do say so myself.

Well, I'm actually quite good at sneaking, if that helps.
>>24838734
You are nice and all, but I'd rather not join you yet if it's possible.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:27:04 No.24838799 Report

Quoted By:

'Bout time. I was wondering when you guys were going to post another thread.

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:28:58 No.24838809 Report

Quoted By: >>24838842

>>24838777
Well your Trips are quite convincing........Alright, I'll give your application to the higher ups, see if they agree.

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:34:15 No.24838842 Report

Quoted By: >>24838860

>>24838809
I apreciate it.

Oh, and is it true you have beds?

Like, actual beds, with a matress and a base? For use?

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:38:47 No.24838860 Report

Quoted By: >>24838871 >>24838877 >>24838910

>>24838842
Yes, every grunt is allowed access to the dormitories

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk

_Alfred_ !!5puX2W3kNZk Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:41:31 No.24838871 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838860
Nice.

It's been long since the last time I slept in one.

Not At All Scheming Galactic-Hating Loyal Rocket Grunt Richard

Not At All Scheming Galactic-Hating Loyal Rocket Grunt Richard Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:42:33 No.24838877 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838860
Every grunt? Interesting.

Ghost - Eve

Ghost - Eve Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:48:04 No.24838910 Report

Quoted By: >>24838933

>>24838860
Mind me asking what type of work Team Rocket grunts do? Anything fun? Or frightful, even?

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ

Rocket HR Rep Wendy !!DxCvyGmyslZ Thu 17 Dec 2015 04:51:10 No.24838933 Report

Quoted By:

>>24838910
It depends on which division you're assigned to, but yes, almost every grunt is required to do the standard stealing of pokemon, money, and other such objects. I suppose you could scare people into dropping their stuff.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 17 Dec 2015 07:38:24 No.24839611 Report

Quoted By:

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