Listen, Brendan I've been hearing some pretty disturbing stuff from your classmates lately. May, that fucking chatty cathy, was telling me how you've been obsessed with finding "leaks" lately.

Brendan, this is a serious question, so I need a serious answer. Brendan, do you idolize Hans Blix? Because looking for leaks is the kind of thing Hans Blix would do. I mean, Hans Blix is from Sweden so he's probably looking to have his leaks plugged, but I dont think you're like that Brendan. I dont think you want your leaks plugged, unless you're Swedish and then I just lost a lot of respect for you.

But Brendan, let me tell you why obsessing over leaks is bad. Think of it like this Brendan, no one really cares about the leaks. Like when Chernobyl blew up, do you think anyone cared that a bunch of smelly Ukranians died or that Russia looked stupid? No Brendan, no one cares when smelly Ukranians die, especially with their shitty borscht. At least I think borscht is Ukranian Brendan. The point is, people only cared about being right that nuclear energy was wrong.

And that's why no one likes leaks Brendan. Because no one cares what the leak is, only how it suits their narrative. And that makes you arrogant Brendan. You know who else is arrogant? May. And you know what May is doing right now? May is running laps around the field until she drops from exhaustion.

YOU HEAR THAT MAY, NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO COACH THE TEAM, REMEMBER WHO IS REALLY IN CHARGE.

God that woman is insufferable. If information came out that she ate babies, I would not be surprised.

Brendan, the point is, no one likes an arrogant asshole, and no one cares. So next time you're sitting at your computer looking for the Iranian nuclear codes or using the google for what is probably not porn, just remember, no one likes Hans Blix. Don't be Hans Blix Brendan.