I know this will sound like roleplay, but it`s a serious issue. I need to solve it before I do something crazy.
Since I`ve seen the UB01, I`ve liked it. I wanted to hug it, I wanted to pet it. It's so cute.
But when I actually played the game, and I saw that it's a literal parasite, that kicked my true obsession. I wanted to host it. A relationship of mutual benefit, a nobody taking protection and an empowered nobody offering protection.
Yet I know that it`ll never happen, because reality sucks. All I can do is pet and feed it on Refresh.
This isn`t enough for me. Every night, I dream about Nihilego. Today I broke down and started crying. I wished I could`ve slept more to dream about it.
I often dream about people mocking me for my appearance. But since I've played the game, that stopped happening. Because I'm hosting Nihilego. I finally have the courage to tell people to fuck off, to beat them up, to defend myself. I dream about doing crazy things that I wouldn't before. All for the sake of me and Nihilego. It gave me the self esteem that I lacked.
I`ve started researching on how to give myself a coma so I could dream more about it. Even if it`s just dreams, being with Nihilego would make me happy.
But there`s a risk I`d die. If I die, I`ll never see Nihilego again, even if it`s on the game or the 3DS.
What should I do /vp/? Please help... I feel hopeless. I don't want to die, but I don't want to continue suffering either.
