>>35979124I'm conflicted. I want to kill myself because of the dysphoria but crossdressing still excites me a little bit before I do it. The feeling goes away after a minute or so and I don't even remember finding it sexual before I tried to deny it and got addicted to sissy porn for like, a week one time as an outlet for validation. I think I permanently twisted my perception of it in my mind.
Eh I'll probably never pass and an hero anyways. I was initially just going to settle for anything but I'd rather be dead than a supermutant-esque hon.
I tried slitting my wrists and (gently) stabbing my stomach but both were pretty unpleasant and now I'm scared of getting tetanus so I just go to bed to cry instead of self-harming 
