/vp/ - Pokémon » Thread #36031815

>>36031815
>be 11
>ask parents for the new switch for bday
>birthday rolls around they get me a 3dsxl
>fucking tear down the entire in an autistic rage
>parents get mad and holds me down and takes the stylus out from the 3DS
>they insert the stylus into my urethra and twist it like dough
>tornado of blood spews out of penis and lands everywhere, even on the cake
>eventually piss and cum shoot out and mix into the tornado
>scream so loud my diapers start filling up with weird green poop (fuck you mom i didnt want to eat my veggies now look what happens)
>go to hospital, doctor circumcises it and eats foreskin in front of me
>come back to /vp/ and my fucking tornado dick felt better than half of these threads
seriously fuck off now ol chap

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:03:32 No.36031884 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031853
Your faggy ass

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:05:14 No.36031900 Report

Quoted By: >>36031983 >>36032034

>>36031815
This cant be a real article, no one is that fucking retarded.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1451703922232.png, 28KiB, 186x208

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:07:54 No.36031916 Report

Quoted By: >>36031928 >>36031939 >>36031999

>>36031815
How do you masturbate unsafely?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:09:16 No.36031928 Report

Quoted By: >>36031946 >>36032288

>>36031916
Sometimes I pull so hard, I rip the skin.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:09:56 No.36031935 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031819
No, they aren't, you sick fuck.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1530418790832.jpg, 306KiB, 680x680

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:10:37 No.36031939 Report

Quoted By: >>36032008

>>36031916
femanons can hurt themselves if they put the wrong things in there

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:10:38 No.36031940 Report

Quoted By: >>36031977 >>36031983

>>36031815
>UK
not surprised, they are the fatherland of the modern pedo culture, from politicians (even prime ministers), media to the police passing through migrant grooming gangs
they do even have a national hero that was a gay pedo
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_George_Gordon merely did only "charity" for boys

truly the evilest empire that even topped the commies

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:10:51 No.36031943 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031819
they're partners not toys

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:10:55 No.36031946 Report

Quoted By: >>36032288

>>36031928
well my daddy taught me a few things

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:14:21 No.36031977 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031940
uk was a better place when it was a empire though

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 6th grade.jpg, 30KiB, 436x616

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:15:42 No.36031983 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031900
I wish it was fake anon...
http://dailycaller.com/2017/12/31/columnist-says-parents-should-buy-their-kids-sex-toys/

Sexualizing young children is normal nowadays. Pic related is a poster teaching 6th graders how to express their feelings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQG1HhK1H94

>>36031940
Pic related is Kensas.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:16:37 No.36031989 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031815
Real talk, I damaged a nerve masturbating too hard and have trouble maintaining erections and decreased sensitivity but I can't think of any toy or aid or education that would've prevented that. I was a horny 12 year old, I just wanted to grip it and rip it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:18:09 No.36031999 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031916
Sandpaper gloves

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:19:16 No.36032008 Report

Quoted By: >>36032103 >>36032429

>>36031939
What are they doing? Shoving glass shards up their gooch?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO no dildos feel.png, 62KiB, 900x675

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:19:16 No.36032009 Report

Quoted By: >>36032096

>>36031815
>Be 14, closeted as fuck and apart of a very open family
>Having joke filled conversation about sex with my older cousin, big sis and mom
>Mention how people spend hundreds of dollars on sex toys
>Mother, serious as hell: "I'd rather you do that than have unsafe sex. If you need me to buy you a fake vagina and playboys tell me.
>Weep internally at not being able to ask for dildos and copies of College Boy Inches

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:20:58 No.36032018 Report

Quoted By: >>36032038

>>36031815
What kind of absolute nonce do you have to be to buy your kid a sex toy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:23:20 No.36032034 Report

Quoted By: >>36032069

>>36031900
>implying
this whole account just proves /pol/ is always right
>shill colored babies
>shill contraception drugs hour later
>shill how your sons should not take the father last name
>most popular baby in uk is a nigger
>shill more faggotry
>shill hairy women
>"What is a hoejabi and why is the term problematic?"
>body positive agenda
i'm honestly scared to see what i can find if i scroll down further

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO WiiRemote1.jpg, 7KiB, 320x320

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:24:03 No.36032038 Report

Quoted By: >>36032053

>>36032018
>2nd greatest selling console of all time

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:25:43 No.36032046 Report

Quoted By:

Why don’t they just use the rumble on controllers? The GameCube controller was the fucking best.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:25:59 No.36032048 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031853
time to kys

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:26:44 No.36032053 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032038
Touché

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1527540628067.jpg, 83KiB, 848x818

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:27:16 No.36032057 Report

Quoted By:

>wait for the 2019 Pokemon game
>your wife who had sex with 25 other guys before she met you infects you with aids and you die before it gets released
>yfw

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:29:12 No.36032069 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032034
https://twitter.com/MetroUK_Life/status/943405107634409472

ENOUGH.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:34:39 No.36032096 Report

Quoted By: >>36032112

>>36032009
That's what you get for being a virgin homo faggot instead of glorious chad hetero master race.

Lily

Lily Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:37:10 No.36032103 Report

Quoted By: >>36032128 >>36032141 >>36032226

>>36032008
I've heard of people who used like bananas and hot dogs and stuff and they couldn't get them out and had to go to the hospital

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:38:16 No.36032112 Report

Quoted By: >>36032145

>>36032096
>liking roasties
ew

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:42:57 No.36032128 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032103
How the fuck do you get it stuck?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:46:23 No.36032141 Report

Quoted By: >>36032160

>>36032103
everyone knows that the only good fruit to instert up your ass (or vagoo) is a cucumber

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:46:48 No.36032145 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032112
>implying we fug roasties
Nice try homo

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:50:11 No.36032160 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032141
crunchy, keeps you hdyrated and is good for skin, solid but also plastic enough to remind of a real cock, can have a smooth peel, comes in all sizes and shapes, has literally "cock" and "cum" in its name, can be pickled too if you're a brit femanon

is cocumber dare i say the greenpilled dildo choice?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO IMG_20180701_223553.jpg, 37KiB, 576x432

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:51:38 No.36032171 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031883
You should have just let your brother use the Xbox.

It didn't have to happen like this anon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:54:22 No.36032188 Report

Quoted By: >>36032228 >>36032356

>>36031815
this is an off topic thread. if the mods have any reapect they will remove it. keep this shit on a political board.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:54:23 No.36032189 Report

Quoted By:

what the fuck is that a dildo museum in the OP pic?

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1484031198759.jpg, 287KiB, 1002x960

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:55:04 No.36032197 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031815
This reminds me of when I used the wii mote to do it

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:58:17 No.36032226 Report

Quoted By: >>36032242

>>36032103
Marshmallows are the best for sticking up your ass.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 19:58:39 No.36032228 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032188
How is this related to politics?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:00:37 No.36032242 Report

Quoted By: >>36032259

>>36032226
too soft, any ass would suck em in

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:01:36 No.36032249 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031815
Why not just using your hands like a normal human being?

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:02:31 No.36032259 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032242
The joke is that they're a powerful laxative if inserted there.

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:08:39 No.36032288 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031928
>>36031946
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25m3Gk7mRQM

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO what's going on in this thread.gif, 961KiB, 245x250

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:09:23 No.36032292 Report

Quoted By:

>>36031883

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:21:22 No.36032356 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032188
seething because exposed

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 03 Jul 2018 20:31:41 No.36032429 Report

Quoted By:

>>36032008
My friend's younger sister shoved plastic toys up there.

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