/vp/ - Pokémon » Thread #41221927

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 01:37:46 No.41221927 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>41222352 >>41223448 >>41224119 >>41224182 >>41226582 >>41227732 >>41228321

I'm gonna tell you right now that anybody would've given up on this game had it not been for the name. They made one of the most frustrating games of all time, they took the name "Pokémon," and slapped it on the cover just like they slapped thier own greedy dick. Well, if this game is dick, then we were the balls.
And, y'know, I really wanted to give it a chance, because I kind of liked the idea of different version gyms, sponsors, like it made the league feel like a real sport. But, 400 Pokémon? Dynamaxing!?
Like, seriously, give me a reason why there's only 400. Why is there only 400!? WHY IS THERE ONLY FUCKING 400!?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 01:41:50 No.41222058 Report

Quoted By:

AAASSSSSSSS!!!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 01:53:21 No.41222352 Report

Quoted By:

>>41221927
THESE GAMES SUCK MY SPIDERBALLS

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 01:59:39 No.41222505 Report

Quoted By: >>41222590 >>41223179 >>41225455 >>41228321 >>41229596

I get requests for this one a lot. "Nerd, you should review Pokemon Sword and Shield. The designs are terrible!"

Really? The designs look fine to me.

It's EVERYTHING ELSE in this shitty game that is diarrhea! There's no fucking content! You get told there's 18 gyms, but guess what: you only fight eight. There's no sidequests or post game, just a single Battle Tower. Fuck, characters don't even move like human beings, and just turn and move in place like robots! Imagine if you had to go somewhere, but you had to pivot in the spot you were standing from a dead stop every time you wanted to change directions! The pokemon don't even do THAT much, they just flip so fast you think it's like how characters change directions in a fighting game! It makes ME flip! And the graphics, UGH, the graphics. I'm not even joking when I say I've seen better graphics on the N64! In fact... is that... is that tree FROM Ocarina of Time? For fuck's sake, even the game is telling me I could be playing something better!

Pokemon Sword and Shield? MORE LIKE POKEMON BORED AND YIELD! I'd rather let Tauros, Miltank, and Bouffalant take a three way pokedump all over my face-- but that can't even happen because they're not even in the fucking game!!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 02:03:44 No.41222590 Report

Quoted By:

>>41222505
>I'd rather let Tauros, Miltank, and Bouffalant take a three way pokedump all over my face-- but that can't even happen because they're not even in the fucking game!!
Now that's based.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 02:25:16 No.41223179 Report

Quoted By:

>>41222505
>POKEMON BORED AND YIELD
heh

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 02:35:05 No.41223448 Report

Quoted By:

>>41221927
WHYYY!!! (SCREECHING AND DOWNING BEER FOLLOWED BY SCREAMING IN A PILLOW)

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 02:47:24 No.41223748 Report

Quoted By:

>This game sucks, end of story. I want to nail Charizard to the fucking cross.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 02:55:32 No.41223915 Report

Quoted By:

>It never ends with this game; it’s just like an infinite turd coming out of my ass, like when the fuck's it gonna be over?

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:03:38 No.41224119 Report

Quoted By:

>>41221927
In November of 2019, I gave a warning about a game called Pokemon Sword and Shield. I made it perfectly clear: DO NOT PLAY this game. But, from what I understand... people have played it. They didn't listen...but, it wasn't their fault. I only showed about 14 hours of footage from the game, and even though I showed its glitches at great length, it didn't do any good...

I called it a piece of shit. I called it an awful pile of steaming gogoat shit. But, that was honoring it. I could have said anything, it wouldn't have mattered. I could have taken a shit on it. But my own shit would have been offended to lay on this loathsome piece of filth. Just the thought of covering this thing in doo-doo is like encasing it in gold. I curse the day I ever laid eyes on it. I curse the plastic that holds this abomination. My words are insufficient in describing the total insult to Pokemon that this """"game"""" has provided. Everything that I've ever said, and anything that anybody else has ever said, is not enough. The Switches MUST be bricked.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:05:54 No.41224182 Report

Quoted By:

>>41221927 (OP)
In November of 2019, I gave a warning about a game called Pokemon Sword and Shield. I made it perfectly clear: DO NOT PLAY this game. But, from what I understand... people have played it. They didn't listen...but, it wasn't their fault. I only showed about 14 hours of footage from the game, and even though I showed its lack of content at great length, it didn't do any good...

I called it a piece of shit. I called it an awful pile of steaming gogoat shit. But, that was honoring it. I could have said anything, it wouldn't have mattered. I could have taken a shit on it. But my own shit would have been offended to lay on this loathsome piece of filth. Just the thought of covering this thing in doo-doo is like encasing it in gold. I curse the day I ever laid eyes on it. I curse the plastic that holds this abomination. My words are insufficient in describing the total insult to Pokemon that this """"game"""" has provided. Everything that I've ever said, and anything that anybody else has ever said, is not enough. The Switches MUST be bricked.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:11:34 No.41224347 Report

Quoted By: >>41224602

>In 2019, a shitty generation for the Pokemon franchise debuted on the Nintendo Switch by GameFreak.
>It was a tragic failure and tried to aim for the Kantobaby market. Its pixelated textures were enough to get talk of it banned from /vp/ or hidden behind the front page of the internet, limiting its discussion to obscurity.
>For Masuda and Ohmori, an ideal hit open-world Pokemon game would become a nightmare. But had the generation received Gen 4 remakes, nobody would have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre doodoo diarrhea bullshit as they were to see in that sucky ass game.
>Close to 25 weeks later, it would be discovered by one of the most frustrated gaming geeks on the internet, The Angry Video Game Nerd.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:14:29 No.41224428 Report

Quoted By:

>I think I get it
>why, it's the best game ever made. It's more than a game! It exposes the dual nature of the human spirit. The only way to win the against the game is to be a dexfag, but you wanna be a shill so you can mindlessly play the games. You see, it's a constant battle between good and evil, and the dexfag must stay farther along his path than the shill. If the shill gains the lead, then Gamefreak will win
>that's the true conflict of the human soul

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:21:11 No.41224602 Report

Quoted By:

>>41224347
What are you selling there, Masuda?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:28:21 No.41224816 Report

Quoted By:

But the most fucked-up gen of all is gen 8. Here, Bulbasaur never appears. Just, never. It never appears. I played this game for about 14 hours before I eventually looked up an datamine project from someone who probably had more time to spare than me, and guess what? In this gen, BULBASAUR DOESN'T APPEAR UNTIL YOU BUY ULTRA SWORD AND ULTRA SHIELD AND ITS DLC!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:32:19 No.41224926 Report

Quoted By:

I can't believe they sold this shitfest for $60! That's about how much it costs for a Triple-A title, pretty much. You could take $60, stand on a bridge, and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything then spend it on a broken down, dysfunctional disaster of video game programming!
With bugs that brick your switch, hideous textures, random Kanto pandering, microscopic development time, a marathon of mediocre shitmons, constant cutscenes, problems with presentation, misleading reasons on why Pokémon were cut, insults to your intelligence, embarassing move cuts, constant heals, lack of Pokémon, battles you can't win, battles you can't lose, evil motivation that makes no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty lag spikes, and a fuckton of other things!
It should have been ILLEGAL for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electrical abomination of this magnitude! Couldn't they have tried making one good game? As apposed to two horrible games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:34:12 No.41224965 Report

Quoted By:

But the most fucked-up gen of all is gen 8. Here, Bulbasaur never appears. Just, never. It never appears. I played this game for about 14 hours before I eventually looked up a datamine from someone who probably had more time to spare than me, and guess what? In this gen, BULBASAUR DOESN'T APPEAR UNTIL YOU BUY A NON-BRICKED SWITCH AND ULTRA SWORD AND SHIELD!

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:34:15 No.41224966 Report

Quoted By:

THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING POKEMON GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED. SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS MASUDA THINKING WHEN HE SHAT OUT THIS PUTRID DUMP? I MEAN, REALLY: A POKEMON GAME WHERE YOU CAN'T EVEN CATCH THEM ALL? WHAT KIND OF DRUG FUELED PSYCHO CAME UP WITH SUCH A SHITTY, ASININE IDEA? THERE ISN'T A SINGLE HALFWAY-APPEALING NEW POKEMON TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE IN THIS SHITHEAP, NOT A SINGLE FUNNY FUCKING LINE ANYWHERE IN THIS MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A SCRIPT, AND NOT EVEN ONE DECENT NEW MECHANIC TO COME OUT OF THIS FUCKING MESS.

PLAYING THIS GAME IS LIKE HAVING A DRUNKEN MONKEY PERFORM A LOBOTOMY ON YOU USING WOODEN STICKS WHILE RIDING A ROLLERCOASTER DURING AN EARTHQUAKE. IT TURNS YOUR BRAIN INTO A FUCKING SHITSHAKE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.

I'D RATHER GARGLE A CAMERUPT'S PISS WHILE A DONPHAN SHITS DIARRHEA ALL OVER MY FACE THAN PLAY THIS GAME FOR EVEN A SECOND LONGER. I'D RATHER EAT THE ROTTING CORPSE OF A SKUNTANK, VOMIT IT UP AND EAT IT AGAIN. I'D RATHER SHOVE BROKEN GLASS UP MY ASSHOLE, SHIT IT OUT AND RUB THE BLOODY GLASS-FILLED FECES ALL OVER MY BODY. I'D RATHER GET MAULED BY A RABID BEWEAR AND THEN RUB HOT SAUCE IN EVERY OPEN WOUND. I'D RATHER FUCK A GARBODOR FILLED WITH USED HYPODERMIC NEEDLES AND RATICATE POISON WHILE BEING RAPED UP THE ASS WITH A MARACTUS. I'D RATHER SUCK A TYRANTRUM'S ANAL JUICES OUT HIS ASS AND WASH IT DOWN WITH TOXIC WASTE.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:37:03 No.41225056 Report

Quoted By: >>41225539 >>41225640

>So Mike, what did you think of Pokemon Sword and Shield?

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:41:55 No.41225202 Report

Quoted By:

>This game is notorious among gamers as being one of the most poorly programmed games in existence. At some time or another, it seems everyone takes a shot at it, and after this post, I'm sure many more people will suffer over it, which is unfortunate. But to quote Full Metal Jacket, "It's just one big shit sandwich and we all gotta take a bite."

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:47:01 No.41225332 Report

Quoted By:

>Well now, we saved the worst for last: It's Sword And Shield. Now, let's just stop for a moment and take this in, okay? [Breathes deeply] Sword and Shield... in the United Kingdom. IT'S LIKE PUKING ON A PILE OF SHIT!

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:49:44 No.41225418 Report

Quoted By:

>[Rich can be heard chuckling in the background]

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:51:28 No.41225455 Report

Quoted By:

>>41222505
Bretty good.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:54:21 No.41225539 Report

Quoted By: >>41225827

>>41225056
AAaAaaahhh, FUCK IT. Let’s just talk about POOOOKEMOOOON

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 03:58:51 No.41225640 Report

Quoted By:

>>41225056

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 04:06:10 No.41225827 Report

Quoted By: >>41228501

>>41225539
CHAAAAAAAAAARIIIIIIZAAAAAAAAAARD

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 04:19:23 No.41226149 Report

Quoted By: >>41226230

>I would rather abolish slavery
>I'd rather let women have the right the vote
>playing this game is worst than fucking a bus full of niggers
>this game is what happens when you don't gas all the jews
>you'd have more fun entering a grocery store after segregation has been outlawed
>to describe this game's ass-ness, I'd say it's like living in a country with open borders
>imagine walking outside your house during a gay pride parade, that's what playing this game is like
>it fucking sucks, it fucking blows, it's a faggot
>and I don't like it

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 04:22:29 No.41226230 Report

Quoted By:

>>41226149
based, and dare I say, redpilled

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 04:37:31 No.41226582 Report

Quoted By: >>41226997

>>41221927
I disagree.
If it wasn't a pokemon game then most of the complaints would have been seen as insane.
>Missing mons and features
What missing mons? What missing features? This is a brand new IP! How can anything be missing!?
>No Elite 4
This isn't pokemon!

I could go on but I think you get my point.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 04:58:29 No.41226997 Report

Quoted By:

>>41226582
Well this was fun while it lasted, I suppose

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 05:33:34 No.41227732 Report

Quoted By:

>>41221927
Sucks that AVGN's content slowly got worse with time, just like Pokemon.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 06:03:11 No.41228321 Report

Quoted By: >>41229596

>>41221927
>>41222505
I read these in his voice. nicely done

>is that tree FROM Ocarina of Time? For fuck's sake, even the game is telling me I could be playing something better!
top kek

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 06:11:39 No.41228501 Report

Quoted By:

>>41225827
KAAAAAAAAAAANTOOOOOOOOOO

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 06:13:36 No.41228542 Report

Quoted By:

>"Game Freak called this game "A love letter to longtime fans." More like a fucking RANSOM LETTER!"

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 07:03:13 No.41229497 Report

Quoted By:

What a shit load of fuck. Id rather stick toothpicks down my urethra than play this asinine trash again. Its insulting. Anyone who plays this should be force fed the ground skeletal remains of iwata himself. What a slap in the face to fans. Fuck this game and fuck game freak.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 07:03:55 No.41229515 Report

Quoted By:

Anonymous

Anonymous Sat 16 Nov 2019 07:08:55 No.41229596 Report

Quoted By:

>>41222505
>>41228321
Ironic how SwSh hype made me want to replay Ocarina of Time rather than play Masuda's mediocrity.
Master Quest was fun.

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