I fucking hate Chewtle. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Chewtle is a piece of shit. A damn turtle got picked over actual Pokemon from another generation and he’s supposed to be worth the cut? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Chewtle is already sat there walking so slow like a dumbass. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn reptile to hell with me. Chewtle has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable turtle in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking turtle gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the turtlefucker didn’t write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Chewtle. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.