>>43333968i'd probably take her to a cake shop based on interview questions in some magazine, awkward silence all the while and realize as we get there that she wouldn't just want to go to a cake shop she's already a regular at and apologize, not before remembering that I have no cash and its a cash-only establishment and she has to pay for it. i wouldn't really eat the cake since i dont like the texture of cakes and she would probably make fun of me about it and while its all in good fun i would take it personally and realize im no good for her because i can't connect with her over cakes, and change the subject awkwardly and in a way that seems too harsh, shutting down the conversation. the date would end there as nessa gets a call that may be faked so she could escape and say politely that she had fun. we both know it wasn't true, but she's nice enough to lie to me about it. she would apologize and say that she'll keep in touch but just as friendly acquaintances and i would be too beta and hurt to come up with anything to salvage the situation until she is out of eyesight. i would then quietly go home and sit at home with a bottle, kicking myself over and over about how i ruined everything, a virgin like me fucking up the best girl i would ever be able to have the pleasure of disappointing and cry in a deeply unsightly way. I would then collapse at some point from the alcohol, the nausea causing me to empty my stomach right on the floor in a pool my head would sit on. i wouldnt have the strength to lift myself up and clean myself up, but its fine. im trash, im puke, if i drowned in my own filth it would be a fitting end for a fool like me who had the audacity to breathe in this world that wasn't meant for me. theres no more ugly crying now, just silent weeping. i would then finally be able to escape for a while as the nausea subsides and I pass out.
