>>43996591I wish I was a kid again. I lost most of my childhood years to my volatile, suicidal BPD mom and my early teens to heavy bullying and abuse. I'm 25 now but with the brain of a teen because I couldn't mentally develop like everyone else, and thus I find it insanely hard to relate to others. If it were for me, parties with others would be stuff like jumping on bouncy castles, playing silly games, kicking balloons everywhere, etc. And it pains me to know that I'll never regain those years, I'll never get younger, I'll never have that sort of fun and innocence again. I'm bitter and angry, I feel robbed, I don't want to be an adult, I don't know how, I don't feel ready, I feel trapped in my body, so many years felt like I was in a coma, I want them back, this isn't okay. Seeing little kids playing and having fun, or just having a nice childhood in general makes me feel very resentful, I want that too. I wish I had developed like everyone else, alongside everyone else, and not trapped in my home, hiding because I was being threatened by former classmates, forcing me to stay home for 5 years without ever going out. It's too late now, my brain is fucked, I can't adjust, I hate it all, I want to die, I don't know how to be s functional person, I was never let to grow.
