Luke, did I ever tell you about Margo Oliver? She was the mayor's spunky Pokémon trainer apprentice, a fine piece of jailbait from a more coomer-friendly reboot. She had the tightest Clamperl and the perkiest Geodudes in the galaxy; barely legal in most systems.

Pikachu and I used Double Team on her at the end of every successful gym challenge while in the region, and once in a while we’d even have the entire Pokedex run a train over her, part of official Pokémon “training” of course. In time, she learned how to handle an Onyx better than any Rock Climber in Sinnoh. She wore a miniskirt with a garter belt even though she was like a child, so we told her Pokémon Masters wore no panties, and since she was constantly getting lifted off the ground we'd get a glimpse of her shiny Cloyster mid fight as she'd try and fail to fight the various gangs and wild Pokémon that tried to put their hands on her. It was surreal.

We taught her to grip her Pokéballs two at a time like a ballsack and she constantly got captured by criminals and bullies almost every other day. It was ridiculous, like a constant porno Oak, you have no idea.

And she was a good friend.