/vp/ - Pokémon » Thread #49629428

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Yep, that's me in the right

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 15:14:47 No.49629428 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>49629436 >>49629655 >>49629770 >>49629826

Hiding my boner with the Pikachu plushie or whatever they call it. I had just announced I was removing 70% of all Pokémon from the next game because I could not be bothered, just amusing myself with the suffering I had imposed to this miserable fanbase.

You're probably wondering how I ended up here, a psychopath only craving for his next buck so he can piss it away in drugs and whores.

Fuck, I don't even know where to start.

If you thought they made a BGM composer some game director because of some unexplainable design strategy, you're so fucking wrong. The truth is I've scammed my way into this franchise and I've been holding you, Nintendo and the Pokémon Company as hostages for the last 25+ years.

My name is Junichi Masuda, highschool dropout and former convict whose studio now owns the world's most valuable IP and does fuck all with it.

It doesn't matter, though — you buy it anyway.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 15:16:34 No.49629436 Report

Quoted By:

>>49629428
kek

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 15:18:01 No.49629449 Report

Quoted By:

>truth is… game was rigged from the start

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO masuda58.jpg, 47KiB, 640x392

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 15:47:08 No.49629655 Report

Quoted By: >>49629688 >>49629770 >>49629826

>>49629428
The year was 1994. Or fuck it, was it 1995? I can't remember shit from that time.

Back in the '90s Ishihara and I were snorting cocain like the plant was going extinct. I just remember it was two weeks away from the release Pokéman Green or whatever it was called. We had scammed some friend that Ishihara had - that is, before Ishihara dropped out of Tokyo University. It was some bug-collecting autist called Tajiri, who worked for Nintendo. We had scammed him into thinking that GameFreak was the studio for the job.

Truth is — it was 15:00 in the afternoon and GameFreak was some shady apartment in Shibuya we had rented for cheap after it was busted as a child porn studio. The entire Pokémon Green budget had been spent on that, narcotics and hookers.

Nintendo was demanding from us a demo of Pokémon Green after two years of dev. Problem is — we had spent a total of 20 minutes working on it. All we had of the code was a 60 lines .txt file named 'New document'. We had nothing to send them.

The thing is, Ishihara and I were sitting there in our apartment - sorry, GameFreak - listening to Nirvana, high out of our minds with a table white of cocain ahead of us.

Then we hear a knock on the door that changed it all.

Fucking Ishihara thought it was the whore we had hired and excitedly went to answer. Fuck.

In came two suits from Nintendo, the bug-collecting autist Satoshi Tajiri who was bawling his eyes out, and some older engineer called Satoru Iwata, who did not take long before he called me 'the biggest fucking idiot he had ever meet in his entire life', turned over my coke table and said that as long as he lived, I would not be allowed to direct shit ever again.

He was lucky I was high. I always had a fully-loaded Nambo pistol under my couch when I noseblasted. And, as Ishihara recalled, I had used it before for much less insult than that.

Anonymous

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 15:53:37 No.49629688 Report

Quoted By:

>>49629655
>Satoru Iwata
F

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO masuda17.jpg, 61KiB, 900x506

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 16:03:47 No.49629770 Report

Quoted By: >>49629826

>>49629428
>>49629655
For Iwata's luck, Tajiri was back from reviewing the "code" and shitty 8-bit samples I took from the radio and called it a soundtrack. It was two minutes before I had a violent withdraw and unloaded the Nambo in Iwata's ass, so it was bold fucking luck. It did not matter though: as life turned out, I'd end up killing him in one way or the other. Turns out Tajiri was mentally broken, having a fucking meltdown about how he got scammed as I repeatedly shouted him down that we were not giving him a cent back, even after hearing of his father's surgery money or whatever.

At that point Iwata was pissed with everyone in the room and had this biggest fucking scowl I've ever seen in my life like he wanted to choke me right then and there. Bad for him that I started relapsing and slid my hand into the couch. The moment the fucker laid his hand on me, I was about to shrink him.

Then came Ishihara, who had done fuck all his entire life, to save the day. He begged Iwata to calm down, getting on his knees and saying 'he'd do anything for Nintendo to do not find out that we hadn't done shit'. At that point I was pissed, asked Ishihara 'if he'd suck them off too for money, if they asked'. Luckily I did not press further because I knew he would. He had done it before to pay a loanshark.

Iwata was having none of that, but then I gave them the good news: Ishihara's uncle was the Yakuza accountant who ran the entire TPC + Nintendo + GameFreak scam to dodge tax brackers with the Pokémon release. That scam made GameFreak owner of 35% of the Pokémon IP, and Iwata would either make the game for us or come back to Nintendo with no game at all. I made it clear we were not doing shit because we did not have to. We held this entire franchise as hostage.

That was the moment Iwata knew he was fucked and Tajiri went dead on the inside, knowing only mediocre garbage would come out of his dream game.

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO masuda11.jpg, 375KiB, 1080x1440

Anonymous Sun 13 Feb 2022 16:13:40 No.49629826 Report

Quoted By:

>>49629770
>>49629655
>>49629428
The rest of the miserable dev time of Pokémon Green was spent watching a dying Satoru Iwata overworking until he collapsed on the studio due to a stroke, unassisted as Tajiri was having a breakdown and Ishihara and I were busy doing cocain and watching some chinese violent porn with the hooker we had hired. Just to say we didn't contribute anything with the game development, the hooker's nickname was Pikachu, so that is how the franchise mascot came to be.

Turns out Iwata came out of the stroke having cancer, and in the end the Pokémon Green development cost him his fifteen years of his life, a liver and the guard of his children.

Years later after Pokémon Green had came out and miraculously been a success, he went to a studio meeting, assblasted that they praised me as the responsible for the success. He entered there all mighty, trying to fire 'whoever was the fucking idiot who thought a BGM composer qualified as game director for a game franchise'. I didn't give a fuck. At that point I had more money and power than him, it was the high of Pokemania and 'Pikachu' was shitting so much cash I could tell Miyamoto to suck my dick and he'd not say 'No'.

I just told him off the studio and reality came crashing down that GameFreak and I held this entire franchise as hostage.

When Ishihara saw him walking out of the studio, he commented to me that 'I had made Iwata a walking dead man'.

Then we both laughed.

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