You will never be a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You have no unit of measurement, you have no event prize pools, you have no recognised e-sport. You are a Bort twisted by mediocre childhood Generations and an inferiority complex into a crude mockery of Pokemon’s perfection.

All the “validation” you get is from social climbers. Behind your back people mock you. Real fans are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your arbitrary playstyle behind closed doors.

Comfychads are utterly repulsed by you. 25 years of games has cemented that Pokemon can only faint, not die. Even nuzlockers that claim to play casually seem suspicious and off to a Comfychad. Your constant references to ‘viability’ and ‘shitmons’ is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to convince normies on Twitter and YouTube that ‘pro’ nuzlockers exist, they’ll turn tail and bolt the second an e-celeb with more subscribers calls you out on your bullshit.

You will never be a ‘pro’ nuzlocker. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself that you are one, but deep inside you feel the reality of actually just being a ‘content creator’, since this is where your income actually come from, unlike real e-sports players or speedrunners that have real events with prize pools.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll sperg out on Twitter about Gen 2, get caught cheating one of your nuzlockes, and expose yourself as a conman. Your friends will see you get exposed, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll have a eulogy on Discord for your dead career, with a headstone marked with ‘former content creator’, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an irrelevant content creator was rightly outed. Your legacy will decay and all that will remain are YouTube videos that you earned ad revenue as a ‘content creator’.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.