>>54753127Reason No. 5: The Sad Truth
Moving on to my next point, while it is true that Vaporeon has an incredible HP stat, as mentioned earlier, what Pee-Wee Spermin didn’t tell you is that Vaporeon's defense stat sits at a woeful 65. To say that its defense stat is utter weaksauce is an understatement. So, realistically speaking, Vaporeon doesn't handle human penises very well at all. In fact, it is even outclassed by its cousins, which include its vegan cousin Leafeon, whose defense stat sits at 130; the black sheep of the eeveelutions known as Glaceon, although it does have a decent defense stat that sits at 110; and everybody’s favorite overrated, emo furry fetish idol from the late 1990's and early 2000’s: Umbreon, whose defense stat of 110 would always blow Vaporeon out of the water any day of the week (pun intended). Fun Fact: There is a copypasta out there about how Umbreon is more compatible for breeding with humans, and when you read it over and over, as well as view a certain video from DimwitDog, it makes much more sense. I would recommend looking into it if you are into that. If you don’t believe it, look up “Vaporeon” and “Umbreon” on Rule 34 or e621, juxtapose the two results you get, and you will see what I am talking about. I guess some people really do prefer dark meat over seafood. Speaking of the Eeveelutions, Vaporeon's cousins can also learn the moves Baby-Doll Eyes, Charm, and Tail-Whip. Not only that, but they are also in the Egg group too. So why did Pee-Wee Spermin overlook them in favor of Lil' Ariel exactly? I guess we'll never know. Also, as of 2023, Vaporeon can't learn Captivate or Attract anymore. So yeah, those Rule 34 posts lied to you.Speaking of the moves Attract and Captivate, do you want to know who else can learn them? Arceus himself can.
