>>56692024>Be me, fucking EeveeEveryone loves me, right?
Omg it’s so cute!” “Look at its fluffy tail!” “I want one!”
Yeah, that’s all nice until the trainers start acting like I’m a goddamn Build-A-Bear.
“Wow, Eevee, you can evolve into ANYTHING you want!”
Do I look like I want to evolve, Karen??
Oh, let me just decide if I want to be made of WATER, or turn into a living FLAMETHROWER, or sprout moss out my ass and vibe in the woods forever. Sure, no pressure.
Like, pick one. YOU’RE the trainer. Isn’t that literally your job??
And it’s not even like they pick the cool ones. “Oh, Sylveon is so pretty!” Yeah, let’s just lace me up with pink ribbons and make me a walking pride flag, that’ll be super fun when I’m getting my shit kicked in by a Machamp.
Or how about Espeon? Psychic powers, right? Sounds sick until you realize it’s just anxiety with laser beams. My brain is already a mess, thanks. I don’t need to feel other people’s thoughts.
And then there’s Jolteon. Ever try walking around with your fur constantly crackling like static and every time you touch the ground it feels like you're gonna short-circuit? Yeah, “fast” is just a side effect of the pain.
And don’t even get me started on the Glaceon fanboys. Oh, you want to evolve me into the Pokémon equivalent of a refrigerator? Sick, I’ve always wanted to freeze my ass off every day in the tundra while some asshole Ice Trainer makes me fight literal dragons.
Like, I just wanna sit in a sunbeam and eat some berries, maybe take a nap. Is that too much to ask? Noooo, everyone’s gotta have their special Eevee that’s “so different” and “so rare.”
It’s all fucking bullshit. Just let me be a normal ass fox-cat-dog thing. No, I don’t want a water stone. No, I don’t want to go into this weird mossy rock forest. For the love of Arceus, I’m begging you, just leave me the fuck alone!
