>>57075261 >>57075271 >>57075278About a month ago, my other grandfather died, so it wouldn't be surprising if a shift in my attitude DID occur and I haven't stopped yet. I never meant to antagonize you either at any point, but I'm more than aware that I tend to cause hostilities due to how insufferable I can be.
I see, so you must've been the one who asked me why I kept posting then. To keep it bluntly, I post specifically because he's not around. I made two promises back in the day. I promised him way back that I'd try to help him pay for his chemo... which unfortunately never happened, almost entirely because I'm broke and my ambitions got the better of me. If things had panned out accordingly, I could've at least given him a comfortable death, if nothing else. I also promised that I'd keep his memory alive through any means I knew how. Joltanon's plush, and the goal to do as much as I can with my life so I'd have a story to tell in the afterlife to the people I make that promise to are how I know how achieve it.
I really haven't been begging you to do that. I can't even think of anyone else who begged to kill yourself in this thread, unless you're also the AS-anon but even I don't want him to kill himself. Those who take suicide are tragic victims of circumstance, even when they are trying to avoid their crimes catching up to them. They don't think they can resolve the situation, and are left with few choices before it leads to their perceived death or a fate worse anyways, so they just accelerate the process. Much of my family has gone out this way, and it's a situation I don't wish upon anyone.
Frankly, the pain you're experiencing is unbearable. I recognize that. I wish I could do more, but the reality is that I just can't. All I can do is write words and more words, because I'm not anyone you know in real life. I'm just a broke anon online, who is watching with tearful eyes as you tear yourself apart.
I don't blame you for calling this one a blog post.
