>be me
>boot up pokemon legends ZA
>title screen is just the same .png as the cover with a "press A to start" prompt
>start game, get greeted by the androgynous, dark-skinned professor with purple hair undercut on one side: "Hello, and welcome to the world of Pokémon! My name is Professor Eucalyptus and my pronouns are xe/xir! Now, what do you identify as?"
>I choose Body Type A, He/Him pronouns and white skin. The game shows me a prompt saying "warning: these player choices incur a 45% experience penalty and a 55% damage vulnerability against trainers less privileged than yourself. is this ok?"
>I select Yes and the game begins. I am awestruck by the solid, cinematic 15fps the game manages to run at, unfortunately the switch 2 is simply too underpowered to put out 24fps.
>I select my starter from a choice of a fire-type drag queen hippopotamus, a grass-type Antifa militant dog, and a water type dominatrix cat
>all genderless, of course
>After a brisk 3 hour tutorial cutscene, I run into some wild encounters and early game trainers, a leak said that battle animations have been removed because Masuda saw that children would play Fortnite matches on their phones in the time it took for a turn to play out, and the leaks are confirmed true
>I reach the first gym leader, my rival (they/them) intervenes and beats the gym for me after a quick 45 minute dialogue scene. Making games is hard, so this doesn't bother me.
>After this, the game is over. Game Freak should have been given more time by TPCi to put more content in the game.
>The game then flashes the prompt for me to buy the DLC season pass for 55$. I buy it to support the poor, overworked devs.
>The game rolls the credits to the tune of Billie Eilish's "Lovely"
>9/10 easily better than BW
