@Writefuck
I'm writing you here so my review doesn't influence any retards on
itch.io.
Here are a few flaws of Marnie's Moment:
MC is a little too retarded. You should realize being stuck in a timeloop much sooner and more implicitly.
Some dialogs feel forced and unnatural. For example, that's not how bros talk.
The french note scale is doremi.
The prof sounds like a smart person written by a retard.
The weigth of the adamant orb does not match its size - a rock of that size should be 200-300 kg.
It feels like there were no deeper thoughts about time loops. This really shows in the Sina conversation.
Referencing real history breaks the immersion.
Your American way of looking at things is honestly disgusting. If I were a frog, I'd be deeply offended by some faggot saying shit like "I forgive you for surrendering during war X :D". What do you even expect as a reaction to that? Should the frog be like: "Th- That is so... Oh, my god... Thank you." You are in NO position to "forgive" somebody.
A limey would never forgive a frog. A true brit will always hate the french for turning "traitor" during WW2.
It sometimes feels boring to read. I found myself almost drifting asleep on some occasions. I did not have this problem in Olivine Lights.
While my review sounds pretty harsh, I still enjoyed a lot of what I have read. This puts your work above most actual authors.
I did not finish it yet, but I need a little break from it, so I wanted to write this while it was still fresh in my mind.
