>>58766782I promised to read this story, and since I have time tonight, I have decided to.
So first thing's first, I liked the descriptions of everyone. The class system is pretty interesting too, though I'm not really sure the purpose beyond "hey that thing was human!" The only thing I would've changed is reversing the order of the description. Body first, then name. You don't look at a cat and recognize it as a cat first and its components second, your brain has to decode the components first and then describes it as a cat.
The description of the rolling is really cool.
I'm curious how the scientists would more formally describe "odd magics shit." Would be funny to get a euphemism for that.
Yeah, alright. I like the idea, but it doesn't fit as a story like most others.
I won't comment too much on the tensing or grammar mistakes. Macho's much better about that, but I picked up a couple of mistakes which I'll highlight for you.
>concisenessThat should be "consciousness."
>ssssss"Some" weird mistake there, what even happened?
As said before, I do like the idea. It's not tonally consistent with the other stories, but it's a pretty interesting concept. I'd say you should try developing it a bit further.
Also, the Diancie is just a Carbink, so them being treated this way is weird, but I'll let it slide.
(Someone forgot to add this story to the list.)
