>>58827249as always, thank you so much for taking the time. I wouldn't have thought of a lot of this myself if I was still trying to work on it without anyone else reading it.
the thing you mentioned about not describing your character for 30 chapters was hilarious and I realize I kept Rookie pretty under-described myself. added a couple subtle descriptive things.
glad the controller leap thing actually read as fixed.
after reading your review I was thinking I definitely need a way to make the flashback transitions snap in less. I think it became more obvious they're flashbacks with the formatting I added before (maybe too obvious, which makes them seem to snap in), but I needed to make the story flow into them more.
doing the transitions right is proving to be tough for me. but I think I adjusted the handoffs so they slide in and out a little better now.
also changed up the prose through basically the whole story and made it have a lot less single-sentence paragraphs. part of the reason I didn't do that before was because it took less time, I liked how it gave it a kind of style, plus thinking no one might read kek
but it's something I kind of wanted to do initially and now it's actually formatted more normally/correctly. spent a while doing this and editing more (tried to change things that seemed repetitive, removed a lot of "then" and some other things, actually ended up editing it a lot more.) big improvement overall i think.
sort of kept the "style" I had previously in flashbacks to give those scenes their own kind of "mode."
didn't want to respond before I was finished and thought it'd be better to just reply after I was done.
FF takes a while to update so it probably won't be changed for at least 30 min and sometimes it seems to take even longer. again, not expecting anyone who read it already to go read it again, but it should be significantly better now and more polished if anyone else reads it for the first time, so thank you a ton.
