>>58824013>>58824337thank you so much anons. that review was amazing and way more than I expected, but exactly what I could have hoped for. I changed a few things around the part where he comes to the conclusion about the machine to make it more clear and it's less of a leap.
not sure why I thought that part was good the way it was before, my guess is either:
in one of the many earlier drafts, that part made what the machine did more obvious
or I thought the throwback to the Chansey from the report made it make more sense than it did, plus I already knew what it did, so it just clicked with me when re-reading. but you're completely right about that.
also changed the repeating structure for as much of the dialogue as I could, without changing it in every single spot when I thought it was still ok/thought it lost something, because some how I didn't notice that either.
I guess I focused too hard on not just saying "he said" "she said" too much and adding more to it and didn't realize how much the structure repeated.
and as for the flashbacks, I agree with you, but don't really know what to do about it because I think those scenes are pretty important.
I updated it, but it might take a bit for it to show up because ff doesn't update changes immediately. of course I don't expect you to go read it again or anything, but thank you so much for the seriously awesome review and feedback to make it better. I really appreciate it and you're based. I'm also very glad you liked it.
