>>76451835Well this was pretty enjoyable. I got no real opinions on Hoshikawa, but you sure wrote her to be fun. The dynamics you set up felt pretty organic, which was probably one of my favorite aspects of this fic. The bits of comedy laced over the drama and inner conflict were also really nicely done. Your smut dialogue was really good in my opinion, and perfectly captures the essence of saying things during sex that would make your own head turn in the mirror when you recall them. I am prone to say some really nasty shit when I'm in the moment, and when I think about it 20 minutes after, I'm fucking red hot with embarrassment over it. For the smut itself I was surprised there weren't more positions used. The buildup kinda felt like no potential way to fuck would go unexplored, but the way you did it had a distinct feel of realism to it, so the trade offs work out. Also during that scene, there was a minor spelling mistake:
both of you as you glans pushes past her swollen curtain
>you
>your I might say you can also focus a little more on the physical sensations during the smut, but you nailed the emotional and mental aspects. Also really loved your includes of other chuubas in this, it feels like a fun little world anon is in. The aftermath was probably the chef's kiss to this piece for me. It was the perfect reward and flow that kinda built up explosion of tension wants in the end.
