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I think I finally get it. I understand now. About reps. About improving yourself for your oshi. This whole time I'd make a random edit here or there for a chuuba I liked. If it was something outside my very limited range with gimp and sony vegas, I'd just drop the idea. That was what I considered a "rep" or "contributing."
But now. Now I get it. I'm forcing myself to learn to do things I couldn't before, and experiencing music and shows I've been meaning to watch because she made me think about them. I finish one idea and I just wanna get on the next. I am becoming stronger.