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Been a while. I dreamt of this last night and wanted to get it down before I forgot. Sorry that my writing quality isn't as good as it usually is, I've been super busy writing essays, so my ability to write creatively has been dulled a LOT
The Katzenkanons
Chonkers and Smoothie, named affectionately after the Kaiserins two pet cats, are a pair of incredibly large anti-ship cannons found at either side if the port of Phoenixton. Their barrels are 40 meters long each and 10-meter-wide each.
Designed originally as a naval deterrence following the second Takobell Incident, during which heavy damage was done to the coastal regions of Phoenixton, they have been maintained in order to wrest control of the Phoenixton bay from pirates: while they are largely ineffective at striking smaller ships warning shots alone are usually more than enough to scare off most.
They are operated using a pneumatic piston combined with a draw bridge mechanism, with the intention being that if one is damaged the other can keep the weapons articulating, and are sat atop a large, rotatable, concrete platform, a large portion of which is submerged.
Each is operated by a team of Fifty-Two men: 10 to operate the drawbridge mechanism, 18 to operate the rotating platform, 7 to operate the pnuematic piston, 8 to load it, and 4 dedicated just to aiming the damn thing.
They are capable of firing one of two types of round, both of which custom designed and manufactured for them and them specifically: A shell containing Kaiserins Butter, a thick, sticky, flammable substance made out of refined phoenix feather wax, or alternatively a solid cast iron slug. These shells are launched using an initial explosion of highly pressurized Phoenix Gravy. The sound of the Katzenkanons firing is described as like as being like "200 thunder claps forced into one spot" followed by a low, metallic, hum.
Chonkers and Smoothie are used to fire pine trees into the ocean once a year on Yules eve, an event that draws large crowds. When asked "What is the sense in doing such a thing" Phoelix Krämpuslauf, the Phoenixton Regional Manager of Naval Defence, answered: "I ask myself that too".
