>>82437532Please don't kick me while I'm down.
My life has taken a very bad turn. For the first time in 30 years I genuinely have considered suicide as a real option.
The one thing that was a single spark of hope to me was this person. And they don't even believe they were. They thought my playing into their masochism was real and got scared by it. And the truth is, I'm not even that sadistic. All I do is play into it if someone likes it. I'm autistic as fuck, I love to feed goats and hug cows and pet sheep. I love hugs. I can't be truly sadistic but I can put up a good front to give someone what they want and how desperately I wanted them to be happy.
That's all I ever want; to make people happy. And I want to be happy too.
I want so desperately to be happy.
I wish I could be.
