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I think Ame's biggest issue is that she never intended to become a popular vtuber and now hates it because it requires constantly doing a gimmick and we all know Ame is horrible at lying. She wishes she could just be a worshipped face cammer that could talk about being stuffed by Chad cock from the night before after getting wasted at some LA bar. She just wants to be herself but pretending to be a qt anime detective girl is too taxing on her but she also knows this is the most money she's ever made and doesn't wanna ruin it especially as someone who came from poverty. I believe this is the current source of her subconscious self destruction.