>>62440289nta but the feeling of blood leaving my body is euphoric so i've associated it with feeling really good, i get all warm and excited thinking about someone stabbing me and making me bleed. any piece of media that does that in which i can project myself easily on the character makes me go wild (though not necessarily in a sexual sense, it's a different kind of feeling entirely, rather than building up towards orgasm it's more like an instant ecstasy feeling then pulses out and plateaus onwards) on the other hand, when i'm a little less stable i think about using a hoe or garden rake to penetrate someone else then myself, but that's just intrusive thoughts- though if i did ever kill someone it'd have to play off of the gardencore aesthetic, bury them, and grow something on their corpse
