>>87744892Ohhh so you were the guy who was asking for Ame rape lines that one time! I see.
First of all, formatting please. I've seen novels treat dialogue like how it's treated in this story to simulate a back and forth between characters, but in a lot of cases it gets hard to follow sometimes. Just do it the old-fashioned way and do a newline for every string of dialogue made by a character. Some of your descriptions are also clunky but that gets better over time, really.
As for Ame's voice, it was a bit stiff at first (she wouldn't probably say something as verbose as "Are you so awful that you could only have intimacy through rape?" and maybe more like "You can't even get your rocks off without raping someone!") She has a rougher tongue when she gets agitated. But it got better when the nugget action began in earnest.
Now as for the fic itself, frankly I don't know how to critique it. I think the other Anon's right in that it's the first fucknugget fic here. It's certainly the first one I've ever read. And I think it's... okay? Coulda been longer. You coulda dragged out Ame's humiliation and made the Manipulator toy around with her more. Maybe have him slap her around with her loose limbs. But for a first-time fic, I like the idea overall, yeah. Could've gone worse. Way worse.
So congrats. The fic's not half-bad. You need more work on making the prose flow smoother overall, but that's everyone to some degree.
