>>2332672Because I'm on heavy medication that numb me and prevent me from killing myself (pic related is brand name of Escitalopram), so yeah when the meds work I end up doing things like the stream, the rest of the time it's just wishing I was dead while not having the strength to act on it.
I did Electroconvulsive therapy before but the secondary effects on the memory were so strong it wasn't worth it.