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well /uuu/, i almost died today after this turbulent week and the adrenaline from that has finally pushed me to make some decisions i've probably needed to make for a while.
i had already planned to finish paying all my debts, but after that i was still gonna be stuck at a shitty wageslave job i hate just to get by, with no real direction after that - remaining in the same lonely miserable cycle i've locked myself into.
well, i am still gonna pay off those debts, BUT, now i have a new drive. i'm gonna go back to college since AI has completely replaced every job relevant to my original degree - including the one i already had which is why i'm a wageslave in the first place and i'm gonna become a nurse - YES, LICENSED. i'm gonna start keeping my appearance clean and work on my social skills* while i have this golden opportunity to be surrounded by girls, and i'm gonna get out in the world and overcome the odds and my own fears to meet a woman who will actually care about me, IN REAL LIFE. i'm gonna change the direction of my life, i'm never gonna live paycheck to paycheck again, i'm gonna actually help people in the world, and i'm gonna find REAL validation and fulfillment. unfortunately one of the first steps is pic related - i was parasocially attached to her and i've been letting the distress from the present situation bog down my mind and my mood in a way that just isn't healthy and 100% certainly cannot help me. i have to break this shackle to move forward, i'm sorry nimi - i care about you and i'm happy for you, you've plugged a hole in my life that has desperately needed filled for a long time, and i thank you for that, but now i have to pick up a shovel and fill that hole with my own two hands. i will probably read her book, might even catch a stream from time to time once it doesn't hurt anymore, but i can't let her have that kind of grip on my mind anymore. i have to chase my own happiness. i hope you can find yours too, naplings.
*i'm not ugly or particularly unfit and i do already get enough exercise, i really am just extremely shy which is why you don't need to tell me to go to the gym, guys. i appreciate it but seriously, it's not the advice i need.
