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She was a genuine, bona-fide Nijisanji fangirl whens he joined, possibly the only one who ever joined the corp for itself rather than because they didn't manage to get into Hololive.
That's why her hopes and stockholm syndrome were so strong and why through years and years of getting utterly cucked, including having a 3D concert ripped away from under her feet for absolutely no reason, she just took it and tried to keep on trucking.
Until there was simply no more hope and mental strength left. The fact that Niji managed to break HER of all people is actually quite an underrated event.
However I believe that even now, after quitting, she's still affected by Niji brainrot. She tried to make her graduation look as neutral as possible, as if Niji still smelled like roses and she was only graduating due to random vague "le read to move on" bullshit.
Not to mention she even got buttmad that people were suggesting she'd join a superior corp like vshojo, and passive-aggressively called them out. It's clear to me she DIDN'T want to be another Nina/Mysta who goes all "thank god I left that shithole".
I think even now she can't bring herself to admit that she bet on the wrong horse and wasted so much effort for nothing and would just be happier in a different corp. So instead she invents headcanon about how people wouldn't really want to see her anyway, how she's just ready to just move on from vtubing entirely etc. etc.
