>>935156They made me realize that I'm not okay with being alone, which hurt at first, but is a good thing in the long term.
I had resigned myself to thinking there is no one out there who's company I would enjoy, as a life partner or even just a friend. I stared watching vtubers because I thought their antics were funny and their cute avatars make them very inoffensive to the eye, but after a while my heart started to change. The degree of separation provided by an anime avatar made it possible for me to set aside my usual presuppositions about having feelings or caring for another living person. Over time my bitterness started to fade because now I understand. The girls we watch are playing a character, but anyone who has ever played a character even for a game knows that you put something of yourself into it, so it's not too crazy to say we still know something about their personalities. What they like, how they feel about things, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. Every person is like an iceberg where we can only see the top, and with a character you're essentially seeing that top bit with a heavy filter on it; though, in spite of that I'd like to think I'm the type of guy who can get a decent idea what type of fire is burning when he smells smoke. She has so much heart and when I see it I can't help but love her. It doesn't even have to be my oshi. Any one of us probably has hoards of people out there who would be a great romantic partner, it's just a matter of meeting them and managing to make the connection.
I've been doing so much more for myself than I used to. If you've given up on socialization and romance there's no reason to do your self care reps, but now I have at least a little bit of a fuck to give.
...and since I've already blogposted so goddamn hard, here's the moment when my old, cold, bitter heart cracked open and became soft again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9dLvuH2Eco
