>>51964679It's strange, I like the dialogue and the events happening are pretty cute but there's just something 'lacking' with the narration that makes it feel empty. Like there isn't a solid character or desire behind it to tie everything together; at least in the beginning before other characters get introduced.
I guess this might be an artifact of you going for pure fluff rather than mixing it with comedy or drama, since during the pure (You) and Towa scenes it kind of feels like two people with no chemistry trying to have cute fluffy shenanigans. It gets better with other people since there's actually chemistry for the dialogue to bounce off of or at least enough texture to make the dialogue interesting. Towa and Anon kind of both feel like two smooth innocent surfaces so when the two of them are together the dialogue is kind of basic/uninteresting/mediocre since it's just bouncing off without any good spin.
Like it gets better at the end since you actually introduce some character into Anon's narration to actually make the bouncing of dialogue between them interesting
even if it literally was mostly horniness but the beginning 'date' kind of felt a bit empty in how it described everything.
