>>55539080So a trend I've noticed with your writing is that you tend to not describe the full picture that is in your head. You are THINKING about those things that make the scene make sense and mesh together nicely, but they are either given to the reader with a one liner or not at all. I know it's difficult to do, but when you have your chapter written you need to try reading through it from top to bottom as if you have fresh eyes for it. Take the words at their face value and see if they depict the things they need to. As for Ayame's general theme. I wasn't thinking about any sort of theme for her since the way characters come and go and are generally the chuubas in name and appearance only, it doesn't encourage me to think they will have an overarching theme or even development. For that kinda thing you need to make use of subtle foreshadowing. A prior conversation that hints that Ayame being included or something like that.
Also the thing you mentioned earlier about the boobs getting bigger via their ascension, how huge are botan's now? Those kinda mountains would make it impossible to run the way she does.
I think you could have just gone with how Ayame's tits were perky and got the same feeling of enticement across. The larger boobs on her itty bitty frame aren't even referenced during the sex anyway.
