>>5861866>>5890215As the JOI cock hero, I'm gonna tear you apart a bit, so brace for that
I think the problem was length in general, not just the edging part. You knew what you wanted to do, but not how to prolong it. It felt rushed, one moment you're supposed to be rubbing your pants, that lasted a whole 3 sentences, then pull it out and some rubbing with thumb (unlubbed this part is very underwhelming), the thigh stuff lasted a full paragraph, but only 3 sentences were fast jerking and suddenly you're already saying stop. Throughout the whole thing you keep saying to not cum yet, idk if it's some sort of premature fetish or whatever but just rubbing pants for 30 seconds isn't really enough.
There's no alternating between fast and slow , there's no full speed jerking part (very major problem),the area between cumming and edging feels emtpy, some parts just aren't stimulating (although the dialogue may be), the cumming part is skipped (from countdown directly to the ending stream dialogue), and the whole thing is too short. A 2 minute read isn't great material for a JOI. Double that word count at least and then it might work.
Your characterization is on point, it felt like Ina at every part, so at least you got that going for ya. The most important thing to take from this is to make these longer.
Final rating: 5,8/10, made me blow my load, but i had to disobey the JOI to do so, or else i never would've. But i see potential.
