>>79129913Man, I miss the prose from Pale Blue and this hit the right spot. There's just that edge of realism to your work that gives everything that extra kick of feeling 'real'.
Though honestly the actual internet idol part of this seems unnecessary if you're not actually tying this to pale blue, then the details from suisei being a 'real' idol just add extra baggage without payoff. Especially since 25 is idol graduating age for real life idols.
I get that the initial intent is to tie this piece into the more fantastical side of Pale Blue, but the two parts just don't come together in a way that makes connecting them feel worth it. Especially since mainline Pale Blue had the parents be sidelined via the divorce. Which speaking of, that aspect seems so central to the relationship between Pale Blue-verse Suisei/Ryuusei that it's kind of jarring that they're together even in what's supposed to be a trauma dream world.
Maybe it needs a framing device or an initial narration to tie everything thematically. Maybe bigger hints that the first part is a trauma dream or something.
I can't really think of a way out for this fic since the Pale Blue verse connection seems so central to the concept that cutting it out means cutting the heart, but the baggage from this being connected to Pale Blue is what's holding this down.
> t. One of your beta readers 