Quoted By:
I'm not sure for how much longer i can cut my sleep for streaming, but it's probably not gonna last till the end of the year. I'll do my best until then and probably explode. I like streaming, but the looming dread that somehow it's all pointless kinda hovers over me and i don't even know why, because i'm having fun. I suppose the issue is that streaming is inherently connected with the purpose of getting higher numbers and making it, that disconnecting it is impossible no matter how much you try to ignore it.
I'm very jealous of those people who started making Let's play videos on youtube like 10 years ago and still keep uploading every day, while getting 30 views per video. They live in their own world and just enjoy putting stuff out there. Truly remarkable. My friend watches one of these and he uploaded over 6000 videos since 2008 and still seemingly has fun doing it despite every video getting 3 digit views. I hope he can enjoy this for many more years to come.
A little menhera for you guys who enjoy this stuff. I'm still mentally a lot better than what i'm used to. Apparently i can feel like i have genuine fun streaming and still be depressed at the same time, kinda pisses me off. I suppose i'm on the wrong end of the mental illness spectrum to truly make it.
