>>70244005They had high hopes of me fixing my shit too...but I fucked it up over and over again. I wish I just walked away before it got way too toxic, the warning signs were there but I never listened.
Now I have nothing to enjoy...because I'm fearful of everything. They didn't deserve me going down the deep end. And I feel bad for everyone else that they told them about me because they enjoyed having me around. But I got blacklisted as an extremely parasocial and clingy schizo so it was the end of me and all my internet activities. Even if I have a new account (and not watching them obviously), the pain is still there. I have nobody to talk to, to play games with, or anything. The people that used to do all that with me for many years walked away over all this shit.
I don't want to kill myself but I have nothing else going for me, the only thing stopping me is that I'm too much of a coward to put a rope over my neck and I would probably fuck it up and end up more brain damaged anyway.
