>>15344496I covet her and want her all for myself, because of her presented positive traits, I feel I want her as a life long partner and lover. To me, it makes no different if she's happy if that happiness comes at the cost of her being with someone else. I don't buy into that bullshit. I sometimes go into bitter downward spirals of depression, jealously and substance abuse when the mood hits me on certain nights where I feel more intensely and can see nothing but despair over my life, my prospects, my situation, and thoughts of her fill my mind. She does not however inspire me to improve my situation because my situation is already lost; I will never have her, I will not have anyone, it's past the point of no return as it is, so there is no point in self-improvement. Also, I know that ultimately the qualities she has are at least partially fabricated or at the very best are likely equaled by negative qualities she hides away as she markets herself to me and thousands of other men, which is a point of both consolation and further soreness.
