>>14580067>>14581589>>14581965>>14582156Thanks again retards, always appreciate your time and the feedback.
Glad someone thinks the military jargon sounds good. I spent a bunch of my writing time researching it ngl, there will be more of it in the next two chapters, all submarine based, so hopefully that will be fun to read
Watson's confession is meant to come off as jarring and sudden, because she just says what she realizes when put on the spot. My thought is to have the romance subplot be something the characters notice and addresses like a problem instead of letting it develop in the background to its conclusion. In a way, it's not meant to feel special or natural, it's awkward and not romantic, so I'll take it that my goal is achieved. It'll have future relevance, obviously.Having the Foundation go out and neutralize subjects really bothers me a lot too, but I can't think of a way to get rid of Ina's gods that correlates to the story's theme of humanity overcoming and not being subservient to supernatural elements. Also, having the Accident Ones, whoever they are, at full power is way too OP, so I chose to go this route. Hate to slander the Foundation's character, but it do happen sometimes.I think the hunt for red October movie is actually very decent. It's one of the sources I used to learn submarine terms, the book also.
>>14598790For Calli's dialouge. I can't say that it's always how I vision it, because I do really like her when she talks like a retard on stream and just find it really funny that she acts like pic-related sometimes. I know it's not exactly how she is, but she is enough of that, to me at least, that I can write her this way. For an actual reason, I think she's more cringe and wigger when she first starts streaming than she is nowadays, so that's the development I'm going for. To show her character progression through her speech, I just haven't gotten to the part where she's changed. It's also to make her dialouge unique enough that it doesn't need narration to tell you who is talking. I think I've shown that she can be serious when necessary and that she's self-conscious about how she talks, but overall, her being wacky is something I enjoy writing, so sorry if it's too cringe for some of you.
