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So I took a shower.
Today was difficult. Very difficult. It's difficult being the Enna Alouette gachikoi. Always has been but today was different. I spent the day in a horrible condition. But that's in the past now.
I took a shower, and while I did I was thinking back to so many things. And as I did, I realized: without a shadow of doubt, my oshi is retarded. Like seriously slow in the head. There's a part of her brain that's just not there; maybe more than one part. I'm sure the weed has not helped her. But my God, what an idiot of a woman. And then it happened:
I laughed. I laughed so hard for minutes. I'm still laughing now.
I'm laughing at the pathetic, weak, frustrated woman I've fallen in love with. I'm laughing because now I know that if I don't fuck her, nobody will. In her attempt to beat an imaginary enemy all she managed to do is hurt me, who loves her most, deeply -- and those depths of angst are not something her brain will ever be able to grasp. I'm bleeding from a kitten's scratch. That's a laugh.
I no longer yearn for a woman's compassion. I can only get turned on by thinking about how sad my oshi is. She's nearly crippled, both physically and mentally. That is so hot.
Today I no longer look up to my oshi, but down. Today I became a man.
