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I'm done.
I'm just fucking done.
It's not that the thread that bore my image ended up being an excuse for someone to fling shit and settle old fucking grudges and stir shit. That's not it. And it's not about the shit I get here, because I have gotten a lot of shit, but I've always gotten a lot of love and respect as well. This whole dynamic just makes me fucking sick.
I'm not stupid. I know there are people from the discord who post here. Hell, I know who a couple of them are based on what they said to me and specific grievances they have. But I have this really dumb fucking thing I do called fucking trusting people. Because if that trust ends up misplaced, it's not my fucking fault.
You can probably guess I've been around longer than most of the streamers here. I've seen what this kind of shit does to communities. To fandoms. To fucking friendships. You're not unique.
The thing is, if I'd never come here to 4chan, I wouldn't know thing fucking one about the drama. The discord is great. Everyone has been really fucking helpful. But 4chan is also where I picked up the basics for Amanda Splatts and got some good advice that I just can't fucking take. If I didn't follow the threads here, I'd have no idea anything was fucking wrong. Would that make me a fucking blissful idiot? Is it all psy-ops? People just stirring the fucking pot? I don't goddamned know, man, and I'm fucking tired of trying to parse it out.
I felt a debt of loyalty to /vt/. THAT is the reason I wanted to do my create-a-vtuber stream on Wednesday morning. To give something back. To help out any other lost souls or curious newcomers, maybe something I generate will inspire one of them.
For my mental health, I can't fucking be here anymore. I can't be that faithful. If the rrats are true and people in the discord have an issue with me, they're gonna have to confront me on the discord because I won't be able to read what they say here. It will be literally the only way to tell me something is wrong and if you want me to change. If it's fake, then I don't want those kind of toxic and manipulative fans anyways.
I'm not making this a job. I'm not making this a career. I'm not planning on making a fucking cent. I just want to sing, gamble and play old video games. I know my style or choices appeal to a very small audience, if at all. But that's all I fucking need.
To my actual fans and watchers, Wednesday morning's stream is probably going to be replaced with either Hoyle Board Games or Neo Turf Masters. Two things I deeply enjoy. And I want to keep enjoying them. I want to keep enjoying streaming. This last month has been a fucking blast until it wasn't.
I'm letting my Mongolian passport lapse.
