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I have an issue with these new-age starknights proclaiming their love for my Jelly. Running around with their gay flowery poetry and retarded CS talk. You see, when they're confronted with perceived negative aspects of Jelly's personality, they shrink down or ignore it. I'm no longer sugarcoating it, it's time for these fakes to have a wakeup call. They're not in love with Jelly Hoshiumi. They're in love with the idea of her. They've spent too much time pleasuring themselves to candids of Nico Yazawa to not drool over the world's number one idol, Jelly. They're shallow. All they want is a meek little girl that'll drool over their code and praise their vocaloid playlist. Of course, Jelly is my beautiful alien idol princess as well, but the difference between me and the others is that I'm not married to that ideal. No, I love Jelly. I am married to Jelly. All aspects of her. The sociopath with low morals and questionable thoughts of cannibalism. The mentally ill jirai kei girl. The fujo Homestuck fan. The nerd hopelessly addicted to solitaire. These would be dealbreakers to the "men" that claim to be after her heart. Hell, you can see the contention in their posts. But for me? These are all traits that make up the most beautiful woman in the cosmos. And for that, each and every one of them is wonderful. Now, I may lack poetry skills like some other supposed suitors, but what I do have is dedication. Serving my Jelly is a blessing. Providing her happiness is an honor. It's nothing for me to lay my entire life on the line for her, no matter what she wants. She wants me to learn a new instrument in a day so I can play for 10 seconds in a backing track? I'm game. She wants me to code an entire commit for her so she can slack off and play Rhythm Doctor? No problem. She wants me to beat a transient to death with a rock because he's weak, doesn't deserve to live, but because she'd also really like to try human flesh? Sure thing. I'd even put on Dave from Homestuck cosplay and ram ass for her viewing pleasure. Whatever it takes to make my lady happy, I'll do it. Keep writing your haikus, fairies. I'll be basking in the incandescence of our love, my heart dedicated to the only being that matters in this universe. My alien idol princess, Jelly Hoshiumi.
