>>63250758While I understand that you're in distress and trying to be responsible with your dwellings, the best course of action for you now is to realize you've centred your life around your oshi too much. It's caused you to become emotionally dependant on a person you have no personal contact with. It's a very brittle dependency and you need to do your best to find reasons and encouragement to be happy in your day-to-day life that are separate from him. It's the only real way to heal and become a more mature and stable person.
I know I'm just another voice in the cacophony that is /vt/ but please don't stress yourself this way.
If you haven't eaten, go eat. Drink water. Shower and dress yourself comfortably for the night and let your mind wander in to more fruitful things for you .
Is that all clear? Take care of yourself.
